Miller Park has many legends. The Miller Park Hawk. Hank (May he rest in peace). Bob Uecker’s creepy statue. And now we have another one to the list, the Miller Park intruder. Last week, someone broke into Miller Park overnight and caused a bunch of damage. This story flew under the radar because there were many more important things going on in the world. They’ve caught the intruder and apparently, he wanted to show off for the cameras as the MPI (Miller Park Intruder) tried to write his name in cursive using a tractor. That’s a legend right there. We have all wanted to do something like that with grass. I do have questions for the MPI.

1. Why Miller Park? – The story goes that he found a way in but how the hell do you come to Miller Park as your destination? It is not in the middle of the city. You need to walk a good amount of steps to get there. Did he go as a dare and found a way in? If I were to a good ole B&E into a Milwaukee landmark, my choice is the Milwaukee Public Museum. That place would be wild after hours with no supervision.

2. How the hell does this happen? – There have been very few times that I’m glad baseball wasn’t happening this year. And this is one of those cases. Per a source of mine, baseball would have been very difficult to play last week. He did that much damage. Brewers were on the road technically last week and returned to play San Diego if we were living in the real world, not a fake one.

3. Is the tractor the first thing you go for? – Thinking through the decisions made here, the tractor is probably the play unless you’re a slide guy. I feel like if I’m in Miller Park alone, and I’m going to see what the slide is all about before I start messing with the tractor.

Charlie.